My mom gave me an Avanti card for my birthday. You can find a photo of it at the end of the story. She wanted me to write a story about it before Jan 30. Since I had a snow day today, I decided to see what I could write.
Malook, Hungblob, and Wooshee sat on their proverbial royal couches in their swamp palace rec room . Malook sighed, Hunglob farted, and Wooshee moaned.
“Our Royal Father,” said Malook, “looks as if he is going to live forever.” Malook was considered the most handsome of the brothers. During the Mid-Summer Ball, the guests would comment about how his slender legs moved so gracefully around the floor, avoiding the toadstools, and how his grey speckled head glistened so slimeily in the light of the fireflies.
“Why can’t he die before we all have to find a bride?” said Hungblob, scratching his grey voluptuous belly.
“It was supposed to be a blessing, and not a curse,” said Wooshee. “Our fairy godmother wanted to make sure that our father lived to see our wedding.”
“We are 137 years old,” said Hungblob, “That’s no spring peepin’ frog. My chirp, sounds more like croak these days.”
“Well maybe you shouldn’t have started smoking swamp grass.” said Wooshee. “I gargle with honey and onions twice a day and my voice is primed and ready to give royal speeches. I have been thinking of joining the choir in the meantime.”
“Well, since you don’t have anything better to do with your time…” threw back Hungblob.
“Brothers,” said Malook. “I know we have all been getting antsy.”
At this point, an ant saw this as a que and crawled from under Malook’s t-shirt and started making its way up toward his ear.
“And, it is an archaic tradition that the first born takes the throne only after he takes a wife. You would have thought there would have been a clause in there for triplets anyhow. All that aside, I’m tired of sitting around. I’m going to take some action.”
“Well, woopdedoo for you,” scoffed Hungblob. “ You forgot to mention that the law also calls for a foreign wife. How are we supposed to get a foreign wife when we can’t even leave the water of our kingdom? I can see a lost manatee or two getting washed into our swamp during a hurricane, but there is no way three eligible manatees would make it here alive. I would even take slow lady tortoise at this point. I’m not picky. As long a she looks curvy in a bikini, I’m good.
Wooshee grimaced, “You disgust me. I’m hoping for a beautiful mermaid brought here by a stream. We will fall madly in love and swim around the kingdom together and sing songs at the parties we throw.”
“You two are forgetting about the internet,” said Malook.
“Oh, believe me, the internet is the best thing that has happened to me these past 137 years,” said Hungblob, giving a little smirk.
“Well, anyway, we can use it to our advantage. So what if we can’t leave the swamp? We can bring our future wives to us.” Malook glided over to their PC and started typing. “Does this sound good? “A Luxurious Florida Spa Adventure for Three?”
Marcia, Deb, and Lil looked at their map.
“This can’t be right,” said Marcia. “They don’t put spas in wilderness preserves.”
“But the agent was so descriptive and nice,” purred Lil. “He said that the state is working with Royal Spas Unlimited to bring more tourism to the Green Swamp. You know there was all of that hurricane damage last year? They need money to restore the land to the natural habitat and this spa adventure is the new trendy experience to bring people out here. At least, that is what Will, hehe, I mean the agent, told me. Gosh, his voice was like honey.”
Deb rolled her eyes.“So you walk through stinking mosquito filled paths, stub your toe on every rock and stick, and then, after you think you can’t stand another minute of it, you get into this canoe that looks as if it has been sitting out here for ages. No wonder you need a spa after it all. I won’t be able to recognize my own skin under all of the lumps by the end of the day.”
“But anything is a good break after the office,” said Marcia. “Every time I slap a mosquito, I thank God I’m listening to the whine of the bloodsucker, instead of the constant whine of Burbanks, the life-sucker of a boss.”
“I’m just imagining that there will be strong a Cuban man rubbing my back by the end of the day,” said Lil. “With that on my mind, I can get through anything.”
Deb and Lil continued to paddle while Marcia navigated. A dense mist began to drift over the party.
“I’m getting goosebumps,” said Lil.
Just then, there was a splash off to the left of them.
Deb screamed and looked down, “There’s water coming through a crack in the side of the boat.”
The canoe started to sway back and forth as if there were a large creature swimming under it. Suddenly, with a huge swoosh, all three of them were thrown out of their small craft and into the thick dank green water.
Uncivilized Allowed 